i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
