My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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