The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
