Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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