he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
