Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
