Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
