Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
