She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He did a backflip because drugs
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
