im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
