I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
