Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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