forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
