just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
