gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Randomize
