so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
