Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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