I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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