why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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