woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize