ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
