At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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