i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
