So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
