I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
