Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
