I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
