there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
