Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
