I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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