She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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