My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
