I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
