I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
