Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
