fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
No...this little piggys going to the bar
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
