I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
