My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
