No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
