our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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