I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
