If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
