I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
