My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
