wat bout pragnant strippers??
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
