You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
