Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
