Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
