i permit you to call me
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
