Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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