I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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