i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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