but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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